Table Manners

Do you remember when your parents taught you something that perhaps you really weren’t interested in or cared about at the time? You heard a final thought and knew it was coming “You might not appreciate it now but you will when you get older!” My parents did just that and one of these “somethings” was the skill and attention and habit of TABLE MANNERS.

I’m not saying I was a hard headed, thick skulled, or a snotty nose brat. I was a good kid, I always wanted to obey and follow the rules and my parents knew how to instill them, it was a technique called FEAR! Lol! 

Yep, I heard from my mother, “Wear clean underwear every day in case you get into an accident”! I think maybe, just maybe, if I did get into an accident, I probably wouldn’t have clean underwear, so what was the point? But that fear of “in case” got me, and you bet, to this day, you got it, I’m always in “clean underwear” (as if I’d wear unclean??) anyway… Another thing was, “Do your chores and go the extra mile; what if Jesus Christ were to walk in this house?”

 It’s now with the “what if’s”… well, I certainly don’t want The Savior seeing a messy room, how embarrassing! So, I always did my chores, and went the extra mile! I did learn how awesome a clean house is, especially if you’ve been in and seen a messy one! 

Classics from my dad were “Don’t slouch, you’ll be a hunchback,” “Don’t get too close to the T.V. You’ll end up cross-eyed” “Don’t swallow watermelon seeds, they will grow in your stomach,” and we would get warnings or PSA reminders like “Remember, only you can prevent forest fires,” and “Never take wooden Nickels”. I always checked my change after that, ensuring it was all shiny. 

The list goes on; so much to process and take in but never a dull moment growing up, and I am grateful for many of the messages that my parents passed along my way, especially “manners.”

Here is an interesting fact: Fortune 500 CEOs will take a potential hire out to eat to secretly observe their manners. That potential candidate could not get hired simply because they totally suck at the table. Sorry for my harshness, but an adult who doesn’t know or value table manners is pretty sad and gross!

Forbes published an article called Dining Etiquette: The Business Meal As A Test Of Character by Rob Asghar. 

This, among hundreds of other articles, shares a pretty similar perspective as mine; check them out before heading to your next big meal (or trying to impress a date or your spouse)! 

I did my best to teach my kids table manners. I even enrolled my young sons in a table etiquette class. The class was run by a well-to-do elderly woman, so proper and poised.  My boys were the only guys among a dozen young ladies, and they were so upset with me for letting them go. But I wanted them to truly embrace table etiquette; after all, they were getting a full meal and snacks along the way. I just knew that after the course, I’d have little sweet, proper table manners boys on a whole new level! 

It was an exciting moment. I arrived after the class, and it was like the teacher wanted to murder me with her eyes; her face said it all. That’s what I thought. Then I looked at my boys, and they looked back at me (a little red in the face), and I just knew that it wasn’t a pleasant experience for her. I looked back at her and felt obligated to ask, “How did they do?” I looked at my oldest, and he just shook his head; my younger son looked up and all around; oh no…

She said, “These are the worst students I’ve ever had, don’t bring them back!” I said, let’s go, kids. 

In my head, I was laughing. I only wish I was a fly on the wall. I said nothing, and they were quiet until we got in the car. Then my oldest son said, “Mom, that class was so stupid; she made us drink tea from a cup and saucer and stick our pinky out, then made us wipe the corner of our mouth by dabbing the napkin on our face.” He said they looked at each other, laughed and giggled at many things, and did their best! Anyway, I tried, and I’m sure she tried, too. At least if they have tea and crumpets with the Queen one day, they will know how to behave! 

Nowadays, it’s teaching my stepkids (and their father, my husband) this thing, this passion of mine called “table manners” that I’ve come to learn, isn’t always taught in the home, therefore, not reinforced. It’s an uphill battle, but a worthy one because, just like my parents told me, “You’ll appreciate it when you’re older!”

 I ran my martial arts school seems like forever, and my business has much to do with etiquette, like table manners. Etiquette in MA is like saying Yes sir, Yes mam’, No Sir, No mam’, please, thank you, May I, excuse me, pardon me, I’m sorry, accepting things with 2 hands, waiting your turn, showing respect, cleanliness, and discipline. 

Successful leaders want their hires to have the utmost etiquette; they reflect that business. Likewise, everyone reflects their parents or those who raised them regarding things like this. I enjoy teaching etiquette and cultivating that into my martial arts program. I believe they go hand-in-hand! 

How important was table manners in your household? 

In mine, it was WILDLY IMPORTANT. My dad mainly taught them, and he shared how important it was when he grew up. I didn’t understand it much as a young child, but I began to see the importance as I grew up. As an adult, “OH MY GOSH,” it’s crazy, super, essential! 

It’s also essential to set an excellent example for table manners; it’s obvious when you see others who have none! You’re not ever going to offend me if you’re not politically correct because I certainly am not myself. Still, when it comes to someone having lousy table manners. If I don’t know you, I’ll turn the other cheek, but if I know you, I might just suddenly look walleyed (and maybe silently gag). 

Why is this, I ponder…

The dinner table is my refuge, my happy place, one of my passions, and one of the monumental moments in my lifespan! The meal and its colors, variety, presentation, aroma, taste, company, time, and preparation are all beautiful things to be had; not just savor the flavor, but savor the moment!

But all that can be ruined by bad or lack of table manners (in my humble opinion). 

Table manners show etiquette, dignity, respect, honor, and consideration. Table manners are appreciated, and I think table manners are sexy! Is sexy the right word? Perhaps table manners are attractive, and to me, that’s sexy. James Bond has good table manners; he makes eating dinner look classy. The Blues Brothers make eating dinner trashy (funny, but trashy). 

Classy or trashy, sexy and attractive “Table Manners” is genuinely one of the things I am passionate about. It might be odd; you might not think anything of it, but when you have three square meals a day and share table time with family and others, it truly is part of your life and something I tend to cherish, hence one of my passions! 

So please, indulge me for a moment, and I ask with utmost passion to make manners meaningful. For yourself, your kids, your loved ones. Ask not what manners can do for you but what you can do with manners!

I’m using the word important because table manners ARE essential. Let me break down some of these, some big ones to know, to follow, to embrace, and to appreciate.

I’ll list the opposite on the 2nd list and try not to gag while writing that one. Let’s say you were raised without ever being taught table manners, and therefore didn’t teach your kids table manners; then this is a “How To” suitable helpmate or even a good reminder start for you and yours:)

TABLE MANNER’s in my perfect space

1. When silverware is not in your mouth, rest that WRIST on the table, keep your other hand in your LAP.
2. Keep a napkin ON your lap.
3. Wipe your mouth periodically with your NAPKIN; if you overload your silverware or miss your mouth, your napkin will catch the food/drink.
4. Keep your lips closed, completely closed, all the way closed when you chew.
5. Swallow your food completely.
6. Sit upright in your chair, legs in front of the table, both feet on the ground. 
7. Use silverware to cut and scoop up your food. 
8. Pick up your glass/drink with your hand.
9. When you want to pause, put your silverware down on your plate.
10. Enjoy your food and the digestive process, talk before and after your meal. 
11. Be polite, courteous and complementary to your host, or your mother and especially your spouse. 
12. Eat when the food is served.
13. Exception to the rule is little ones, they get a pass because obviously they are precious angels! They will continue to learn as they are taught. But Ohhhh so cute watching them learn!

Not Mannerly

1. Placing your forearms on the table as if you’re doing a plank. Or placing your elbows on the table like you want to arm wrestle or placing your hands on the table like you are about to get a manicure, all that is way too much body to be near someone’s plate of food, gross germs, arm hair, dirt in nails, etc. 
2. Food will inevitably dab on your lips, splash your chin or cheek, and even drop, as mentioned above. This is what a napkin is for; it is in an “out of sight” but not out of mind spot (on your lap) to pick up, use, and replace. Don’t leave your napkin next to your plate and rub your hand over it, or have a wiped mouth stain for all to see (yuck).
3. “Smacking”, besides fingernails on a chalkboard, smacking by far has to be one of the worst sounds a human can possibly make! Do not smack your food, it makes people’s ears melt, makes others want to gag, nobody wants to hear your lips slapping together and food sloshing/digesting, that’s personal, keep it to your self. This includes how you chew your gum folks (lips together).
4. Another no-no is nobody wants to see ABC food! ABC stands for “already been chewed“ food. When you open your mouth to say something at the dinner table, nobody wants to see particles of partially digested food on your tongue or even have a morsel of your food ricochet out of your mouth and smack them in the eyeball. Nobody appreciates you sharing your food that way, visually or physically. I think this right here, and smacking are probably two of the worst bad table manners. I’m starting to get sick just thinking about it:/
5. There is a time and place for everything, and since it is dinner time, breakfast time, or lunchtime, that means it’s time to sit for a spell, hunker down, and enjoy your meal. Sitting sideways, halfway in your chair, or your feet up in your chair isn’t right. Are you just interested in eating somewhat? Where is the fire? Stretch later. 
6. Your plate isn’t lick-able wallpaper from Willy Wonka. Don’t lick your plate, and don’t push food with your fingers. The phrase “licked my plate clean” isn’t literal. 
7. I’ve watched my step-kids grab their cups with their mouths and lift and drink, then spill it all over the table, and all over me. Is it boredom, as they will just grab it by their mouth and roll their tongue all around in that cup like they are training for an Olympic sport. Also, no one will steal your cup…  My military son holds his cup when he eats. Relax, Jeff, you are in a safe place, ha! But, release your cup; it stays on the table and is there when you are ready to take another drink and then place it back down and move on.
8. I have a stepdaughter who keeps her fork in the air just in front of her face and bounces when she eats, making her fork bounce and making me nervous. I don’t want your food flying over to my plate; no, thank you. Take a bite, place your silverware down, relinquish your attachment, bounce with Tigger later, and enjoy the savor until you are ready to take another bite. I also know someone who points with their utensil and uses it as if they are conducting a choir; please stop and keep it clean; thank you husband.
9. Stop complaining, geez Louise, if you’d please… If you didn’t cook the meal served to you, don’t complain. Be grateful, appreciative, and HAPPY!! Unless you’re a professional food critic and judging an entry, keep it to yourself And definitely offer to clear the table (go the extra mile) and wash dishes. Maybe it’s not your favorite meal or even The tastiest dish, but still, be thankful and find something nice to say; your host will get it! 
10. Ring, Ring, Ring…that’s the dinner bell! “Come and Get It” (the voice of the Grand Ol Opry’s famous Minnie Pearl) and “Dinner is ready” or “Food is on the table” stop, drop, and roll! That’s right; it’s like you’re on fire!! The cook may have spent an hour or two or more in the kitchen creating a beautiful craft of a meal, so when it is served, do not insult the cook by taking your time to come to the table. Post Haste, come enthusiastic, and be the first one there; you’ll make the kitchen chef happy and even feel most appreciated!

Hope that helped, please comment with feedback and even share your manners input, I’d love to hear it!

Side note: I’ve been to Germany and Spain and was so impressed with proper table manners and the specialness placed on mealtime. I just love it! Bon Appetite!  

I hope this little story was a good read, a good reminder, or even a good laugh! Here’s to happy, delightful meals, smiles, and memorable moments!